Tim Oakes

40 years +

2006-07-08T08:00:00.000Z

So after much time of mourning I've just about come to terms with our exit from the world cup. I could analyse our tactics and approach joining the long list of critics but I have nothing new to add so I won't waste your time. The biggest disappointment for me is the significant lack of hope. Normally we gracefully bow out of a world cup with a rubbish team and the future can only be an improvement fuelling our belief that it's just 4 small years until the world is ours! Unfortunately this time I feel like we had the greatest starting 11 we've ever had. On an individual basis we had a host of, widely recognized, world class players. Whether you blame the manager, the individuals who didn't perform or any number of refereeing blunders - we simply got it all wrong.

Before I burst into tears and consider marrying a foreign bride in the hope that I might see the nation I represent actually win a world cup in my lifetime I'll allow Mr Crouch to put a smile on my face. Peter Crouch - Disco King and Silky Skills Legend.

Justice... of a sort!

2006-06-07T13:43:00.000Z

So it was nearly three months ago I was photographed speeding. Not unusal in modern day and I probably throurghly deserve a fine but I was annoyed because at the time I was driving the work van. Although it's a Merc it really struggles to hit 70 on a motorway and much less up hills. Anyway I managed (for about 5 seconds) to top 80 in it on the one and only occasion I have driven it and unfortunately a speed camera was there to verify my claims. After alot of anxious waiting the ticket finally arrived and so I thought I had nothing to lose I was going to explain the situation. The biggest kiss ass letter I have ever written but I guess someone read my story with sympathy and today I recieved the confirmation that they will not be taking my prosecution any further!

So my advice in getting out of speeding fines:

Don't lie and admit you were wrong and very naughty.

Express your upset and embarrassment that you are now a criminal.

Happen to be driving a charity owned vehicle.

Pray!

Goings On

2006-05-26T16:53:00.000Z

I haven't posted for ages and feel compelled to just in case Jonny M strikes me off his friends list for inactivity! I don't have anything profound or thought provoking so heres my news, or significant lack of it:

It's that time of year where I attempt to prove my intelligence by guessing exam questions and doing as little revision as my conscience allows me. I only have 4 exams this term instead of the 5 I've become used to but it still seems alot. I think I could convince myself that even if I just had one exam somehow someone somewhere would be getting it easier than me but on reflection it could be worse. A mixed bag for subjects but with my first exam just a few days away I'm swiftly realisng that we haven't been taught all that we should have. Time to pull my finger out and get studying.

My final exam is on June 10th which means that I get to walk out of my exam wearing my england shrit with pride as we then take on the filth of Paraguay. Thats about the only saving grace of my exam timetable, it finishes as the world cup starts.

I don't want to get my hopes up but I really feel there is something special about 2006 for English football. It'll probably be the year remembered for the worst ever national performance ever seen but at least if I think that I won't be too disappointed. And on that note who are peoples predictions for world cup glory?

I think too many people have neglected Argentina and I also feel it's about time Spain matched the quality their squad always shows. I'm going out on a limb to say that Brazil won't do it. I don't think their defense is solid enough and any one of the top 6 teams could beat them with a good organised display. Brazil to go out in the semi's.

Anyway I'm beginning to ramble but I'll be back once the stress of exams and football has passed.

What was it like?

2006-04-21T06:26:00.000Z

Liz Hinds bellows from the crowds. Well making the choice to leave a plane at 12000ft is not something that is easily expressed in words but I'll try.

Six of us were jumping from Linden and I think it's fair to say I was by far the most worried about doing it. Somehow everyone else veiled themselves with a thin veneer of confidence and excitement but I'm sure they all soiled themselves at some point! We had to go in pairs and (being the real men that we are) Ben and I went last. After a long wait and lots of weather holds we got kitted up and signed further legal disclaimers. It was just prior to boarding the plane that I over heard Barry (my instructor with 25 years military experience) sharing how it was just last year he had ‘lost’ one his boys in America! It’s not exactly what you hope to hear before you do this for the first time. As we started our ascent my fear turned to excitement. Prior to out exit height we quickly learnt the skydivers handshake. I guess it’s for good luck, not that I believe that a lucky handshake can make a difference, but it’s not a time to put it to the test!

At this point all straps got very tight and I got closer to Barry than I maybe would have liked. In the words of the spice girls, two became one! Still feeling excited we shuffled to the door where I then had to lift my feet off the floor… A small expletive did pop out but I am still a Christian! And we jumped. The speed at which you travel is out of this world and something that nobody tells you is just how cold it is but it was such a rush. After the chute had been deployed we graciously floated for around 5 minutes where we executed a text book landing. Ben flopped on his arse but I could have been James Bond in a tux ready for a candle lit dinner!

There’s a rumour that Sue Brown (Ben’s lovely mum) enjoyed it so much she is thinknig of getting her licence and going solo!

Pictures will be on the way soon.

Jumping

2006-04-06T16:31:00.000Z

So in under two weeks I'm jumping out of a plane. Not coz I'm crazy but because I'm trying to do a good thing. As the date races toward me I'm increasingly thinking of ways that I can pull out but I know I can't. At the point when I'm sitting in a plane at 15,000 feet with the door wide open a nice man is going to say, "Do you want to do this". Hmmm let me think... NO! Obviously I'm much to proud to back out and it'll be my pride that takes me to the doorway but I know from experience I'm going to end up screaming like a little girl. The question is: How can I do I stop myself screaming?!

Please Sponsor Me!

2006-03-02T20:28:00.000Z

I'm sure many of you will know but I'm due to be doing a parachute jump on easter bank holiday monday. Believe me I'm not doing this because I want to but because I thought it would be a good idea to help us raise money for a fantastic project in Zambia. There are 8 of us jumping and we're all raising money for Mutende Children's Village in the north of Zambia. I visited Mutende at easter last year and as I can't afford to go back this year I'm desperate to raise as much money as i possibly can. Along with the parachute jump and other fundraising events we are hoping to get £15000 to pay for the next phase of building work at the orphange. I've set my sights on raising £1000. There's no pressure but this is a super good cause and if you can sponsor me even just a pound I'd love you all the more for it.

If you do want to sponsor me then please email me at tim_oakes25@hotmail.com and if not just add me to your msn (only if you're interesting or good looking though!)

If you want to find out more about mutende there is a link to their website about two inches to the right.

The Value of Life

2006-02-23T07:31:00.000Z

On the news this morning was yet another story of a drug that has amazing, special and secret powers to improve the quality of life to some cancer patients. Yet again there is controversy over its cost and which health boards will fund it. As we endeavour to research for better medicine, situations like this can only become more common. It seems to me that we are quickly reaching the point when our government will have to place a value on human life. My question is:

If and when it comes to it, how much will we be worth?

Will we be worth more if we live in the south?

Needles...

2006-01-27T11:58:00.000Z

Just the other night I watched a fascinating programme about acupuncture. This doctor/scientist lady was trying to investigate and find proof of the effectiveness of the treatment which claims to heal all kinds of aliments. Various people were featured including a girl who had open heart surgery whilst conscious using only acupuncture to dull the pain. Not only did she not feel a thing but she was out of hospital significantly sooner than if she had undergone the operation ‘western style’. They also highlighted a few research studies aimed at substantiating the vast claims made by acupuncturists primarily trying to establish if it was simply a placebo or whether acupuncture had any physiological effects.

They closed the show conducting their own experiment in an MRI scanner measuring brain activity whilst various forms of acupunctural techniques were adopted. Interestingly the showed that acupuncture can actually lead to deactivation of certain brain areas. In doing so they found something they didn’t expect and have moved a step closer to understanding how this ancient art works.

I think I’d be well up for trying acupuncture but I’m not sure of its origins and basis in religion. I’ve also never met any who’s had it done and was wondering if you’ve heard any positive or negative stories relating to the treatment.

Blue Peter Badges

2006-01-20T11:06:00.000Z

I rank this amoungst my finest achievements. Today I recieved a letter to my alter ego "William Oakes" from Blue Peter! Enclosed was a wonderful letter from the shows editor and a shiney new Blue Peter badge!

A while ago I was boasting how I have a green Blue Peter badge for a letter I wrote when I was 7 but I've always wanted a proper blue and white one. About 2 months ago I created a fictional child and emailled the show with some rubbish about how much I loved it. I didnt think I'd get a response as my final line of the email was:

"thanks for making blue peter my second favourite show after newsround"

Well the Beeb have come up trumps and now I have my sights set on a gold badge. I challenge you all to write as many letters as it takes to win a badge, it feels so good to get one!

The Obesity Update

2006-01-13T07:43:00.000Z

I'd nearly forgotten but I know you're all dying to hear how much wieght I've put on. Well my top wieght has been 78.3kg which counts as a gain of 5kg however I did lose nearly 4kg when I started the drugs as I lost all the obesity from my fat feet. In the week I went home for christmas I successfully put on a stone. Basically I don't know who won so argue amoungst yourselves!

Towels!

2006-01-10T14:42:00.000Z

I've been giving this one some thought and I can't understand it. In the morning I get out of bed, pick up my towel and go and have a shower. I do my very best to clean myself, then obviosuly towel dry. I then get dressed etc and put the slightly damp towel on the radiator to dry. It usually stays there until the next day. My question is if I'm clean when I get out of the shower, why does my towel ever need cleaning?! I think this is one of those puzzlers that ranks alongside 'why do men have nipples?' and 'why is Ben Brown such an easy target?' Any thoughts?

Driving Home For Christmas

2005-12-22T14:18:00.000Z

I'm heading home to the beautiful land of pasties tomorrow. As a result I won't be blogging for about a week coz my mothers computer is poorly. I anticipate we'll all have humourous stories of our familys and their christmas antics so I look forward to that. Remember to all be good and I hope you all have lovely christmas's!

2005-12-10T08:21:00.000Z

So the draw has been made and I don't think we could have done much better. For the welsh amoungst us, I'm talking about the world cup! This has surely got to be our best opportunity of bringing home the cup in my lifetime at least. Can we do it or will the weight of expectation be all too much?

Christian Speed Dating!

2005-12-05T18:54:00.000Z

Good friends of mine Jared and Rachel (a married couple for those of you who don't know them) are currently exploring the possiblities of birthing christian speed dating in swansea. I think their inspiration came from this years green belt where it was booked out almost instantly! Obviously being a single christian I'm keeping my mind open but will it work? The other point to consider, with christian cirlces being so small, is what would you do if you meet someone you know?! And imagine the scenario of meeting someone you've only heard of yet they are married!?! Thoughts?

Christmas!

2005-11-21T17:37:00.000Z

I don't want to get too self righteous or jump onto the moral high ground but I do want to set a challenge. For Christmas this year why don't you give or ask for just one selfless gift? Get something for someone else who could use it alot more than you, I dare you! In my family we're always made to write lists and so this year I've asked for 20 chickens! It's only a small step but an important one. Check out send a cow gifts here

Guess the weight competition!

2005-11-10T17:22:00.000Z

For those of you who don't know my medical history I suffer from a condition called minimal loss nephrotic syndrome. Basically my kidneys leak but thankfully it only happens periodically!
Anyway there are these quality steriods that sort me right out but one of the main side effects is weight gain. I thought it could be my latest competition for you to guess how much weight I put on while I'm taking them.

Just so you have some idea of the magnitude of weight gain I've had this treatment twice before. The first time I took 80mg daily and put on 2 stone in 4 weeks! The second time I put on 1 stone 3Ib's. This time I'm on 40 mg again and my current weight is 73kg (roughly 11.5stone)

The competition is to guess how fat will Tim get?

I'll except kg's, stone!

Go

Jigsaws!

2005-11-08T21:39:00.000Z

If you're a jigsaw fan like me then check this out. I've successfully wasted much of precious time attempting to make it up the leader board.

Losers

2005-10-27T11:22:00.000Z

I've been giving this idea of Jesus asking us to give up everything for him some thought and a few questions still remain.

First is this:

Surely sacrificing all we have is difficult and painful especially in the scenario where Jesus says we could be asked to disown our families. How can such loss be married with the statement "my burden is light and my yoke is easy"?

Secondly:

Mr Lovell posted a beautiful reply about the cost of grace. You can read it here but since the publication of "What’s So Amazing About Grace" the idea of free grace and our inability to earn it has been bought to the fore. What do you guys think? What's the true price of grace?

Thirdly:

When Jesus talks about losing all we have is it simply in relation to our status with God (we decrease so he can increase) or is it a wider point about how we relate to the people around us.

Christian Porn!

2005-10-20T11:04:00.000Z

I expect this post will appeal to the Justyn in all of you but recently Chris Matthews (Our mighty leader) and I were directed to "The number 1 christian porn site"! We couldn't stop laughing

It sounds too good to be true but check out XXX Church by clicking here

My favourite part is this trailer aimed at kids - yes thats right small children!

http://www.jukeboxed.com/x3/pete30second.wmv

(For those who fear the sight of naked women (Benny) fear not as there isn't any nudity)

We Have A Winner!

2005-10-18T06:52:00.000Z

A big congratulations to Dirty Justyn for his genius in the caption competition. The judges enjoyed the irony in his entry. Lover man Lovell gets this weeks bonus prize for effort and may he be an example to you all.

Send me your addresses and a booty bag will be winging it's way to you shortly.

2005-10-09T15:41:00.000Z

Captions Please?!

Learning to Lose

2005-10-07T15:52:00.000Z

In November I’m talking at chapel. The title is “learning to lose” or something like that; it’s about Jesus saying if you want to find your life you must lose it . I’d appreciate you theological thinkings based around this. Will it cost me everything to follow Jesus? Thoughts please

Too much?

2005-10-03T18:11:00.000Z

I got thinking today about cars. A friend of mine is looking to buy one and I started to think if I was loaded what car would I buy. A twinge of Christian conscience then said that I’d limit my choice of car coz I’d lose the respect of Jon Matthews if I cruised round in a Rolls! But a serious point, when we all start earning lots how much is too much? At what size house and how large a garden do we stop our excess? I was thinking that I’d quite like to be one of those guys that had an Audi, 5 bed house, sea views but is that too much? I’d get by with a crappy Fiesta and 2 bedroom council house but is that selling myself short?

How much is too much?

2005-10-01T07:22:00.000Z

Subbuteo King!

Caption Winner!

2005-10-01T06:58:00.000Z

After a two hour meeting the commitee finally made up their minds. The winner of last weeks caption competition was "The Fresh Brian Dash". The judges praised his imagination for the kebab comment. Liz Hinds came a very close second simply for continuing the age old joke of Ben's physical difficulties. Congratulations to this week winner. Email me your address and a prize bag will be in the post.

2005-09-22T13:44:00.000Z

Caption Competition

Picture Competition Winner!

2005-09-22T07:42:00.000Z

Well we had a record number of entries into the "guess the price competition" but you were all rubbish. The Winner is a Mr R. Hinds who's guess of £8.79 was the closest. The actual price was £14.25. Unbelievable what foolish english travellers will pay when they are hungry. Rob email me your address and a prize will be in the post.

New Pictures

2005-09-20T13:29:00.000Z

Check out the link to my pictures. I've recently added a few from my last holiday to Turkey which has been coined "The King & A Three Collection". Ask Ben why!

There's only so much oil in the ground

2005-09-19T16:34:00.000Z

A profound title I know but yet how true. What the hell are we actually going to do about this ever growing hole we’re digging for ourselves? My excellent friend Jon Matthews recently posted about the fuel crisis that never happened but I’m surprised that the majority of people only link oil with petrol. Unfortunately the mess we’ll find ourselves will effect much more than our weekly trip to Tesco. Here’s a really interesting article I found. I’m not sure I totally agree with everything but it’ll definitely make you think:

“When most of us think about oil, we tend to think about heating oil for the furnace and about the gasoline and diesel fuel that keeps our cars and trucks on the road. What most of us don't realize, however, is that oil does more than just fuel our vehicles and keep us warm in winter. It has become the foundation upon which our entire modern civilization has been built. Recently, that foundation has begun to develop some cracks and has become a little shakier than it used to be, as cheap oil and natural gas become harder to find and acquire. Even if we were to develop a new source of energy and a more fuel-efficient car today, without oil, modern civilization as we have come to know it is still in deep trouble.
To start with the basics, armies aren't the only organizations that run on their stomachs. So do civilizations. Agribusiness is totally dependent upon large machines and artificial fertilizers and pesticides in order to raise, harvest, and transport the vast quantities of grain, fruit, and vegetables we enjoy today. Fertilizers and pesticides require oil and natural gas, not only in their distribution, but in their manufacture as well. Also, feed for beef cattle, chickens, and turkeys depend very heavily on these same fertilizers and pesticides. When cheap sources of oil and gas are not readily available, the chemical industry passes the increased costs on to agriculture. The increasing prices for fertilizers and pesticides then results in increased food prices for the rest of us.
We may find ourselves eating farther down the food chain in the near future. In other words, we eat the grain instead of feeding it to something else first, since each link added in the food chain results in energy loss. In the future, the turkey and chicken "factories" we have now may not exist. The vast feedlots where cattle are fattened on grain before being slaughtered and made into hamburger patties for the nation's fast food restaurants may no longer be economical. Thus, wastes from such industries may no longer be available to those who believe it could serve as a viable large-scale energy source for the future.
The world is now consuming roughly 77 million barrels of oil a day. And the demand grows every year as other countries aspire to our style of living and level of consumption. What's really interesting is that out of those 77 million barrels, the U.S. consumes most of it. In 2002, the U.S. consumed 19.66 million barrels a day on the average--more than one-quarter of the entire world's oil consumption--and the demand in this country continues to grow every year.
Today, much of our food travels an average of 1200 to 1500 miles before it gets to our tables. Most of the vegetables consumed in the East were transported overland by truck from California. The roads the trucks roll on are made of asphalt. Where does asphalt come from? You guessed it--from petroleum. When the supplies of asphalt become more restricted, our entire transportation system may very well begin to deteriorate. There are some substitutes, but certainly not in the quantities required to maintain a national road system. And the substitutes also require energy to manufacture and transport. Which roads will be sacrificed first? Will it be the interstate system on the edge of town, or the street in front of your home?
And, oh, by the way, those tires on the trucks and on your family car? They also required petroleum in their manufacture and distribution. Along with the machinery that mined the iron ore, converted it into steel, and formed it into the frame for your car.
So, okay, what else is oil used for? Well, plastics for one thing! Look around you. How much of your world is made up of plastic? The keyboard you type on is most likely plastic, as are the casings for your monitor and your printer. Much of our food comes in plastic containers, even our eggs these days, and the spouts on our plastic-coated juice and milk cartons are themselves plastic as well. The hospitals depend on disposable plastic supplies, such as syringes and oxygen tubing. Bottom line: it would take a book to document all the uses of plastic, and plastic depends on the rich chemical soup called petroleum. Oh, and have you looked at what ink is made of? Or that pen in your hands?
But it doesn't stop there. The roofing tiles and tar paper used in home construction require petroleum for their manufacture and distribution; the lubricants in our engines and machinery--even "synthetic" oils--are currently oil-derived. Many medications require petroleum for their manufacture. Our synthetic textiles, such as nylon and rayon, depend on the chemicals derived from petroleum. Petroleum, in other words, touches every industry…every technology…every business…every home…and each and every one of us in one vital way or another, every single day of every single week.
Many people have suggested all we have to do is begin manufacturing oil and plastics from organic sources such as corn or soybeans or other such crops. Unfortunately, there is only so much land available, and most of the arable land is currently being used to grow food--or is being developed into more homes and shopping centers. The nice thing about oil is that it is underground and takes up relatively little space to extract. So, do we give up food production for energy substitutes and plastics instead? And who is it that will go hungry while perfectly good farmland is used to grow plastic for all those McDonald's Happy Meal toys?
It may be that in the not too distant future, we end up with several different schemes for energy production that will indeed keep us warm and allow us to keep driving our cars while the tires hold out. But one thing's for sure: no single method will be able to replace petroleum and everything we use it for.
Also, ask yourselves this: Do we really want to find something that will totally replace oil so our civilization can continue as it is right now? Even if we were to find a substitute, and energy doesn't become a limiting factor, then food and water are sure to be. While the corporate fishing fleets are busily mining the oceans and destroying the world's fisheries, similar corporate agricultural interests are busily mining our topsoil and groundwater. Personally, I'm beginning to think it might actually be better if our civilization were brought up short--so our planet doesn't end up becoming a giant, uninhabitable dust ball.”
by Lise Maring

Authority

2005-09-16T11:41:00.000Z

I recently started to read a book by N T Wright titled 'The Authority of Scripture'. One area of the Bible that I've always struggled to understand is the relevance of the Old Testament in light of the New. My old excuse and still one that I use in part is that of contextualisation of verses but that (in my opinion) doesn't go far enough. I've always had the opinion that the bible is and has to be an authority in my life but I’ll avoid a discussion into an infallible text for now.

Wright talks about the Old and New Testament as being the overriding story of God. A biographical narrative that illustrates an amazing, living God. He points out the importance of not reading parts out of the context of the narrative just in the same way we wouldn’t pick up a novel and read chapters 11 -12 and expect to know what’s going on.

The interesting thing I found about this view is that it helped me to find a place for the Old Testament in my life today. One of the beauties of having the narrative paradigm is that chapters and 11-12 aren’t devalued in any way but find there full meaning and purpose when read in the context of the whole story.

With this view it brings a new angle to issues of fornication, tattoos etc into a 2005 setting. I’m not sold out on this whole idea but yet it sits well with me when reading the Old Testament.

I guess I’m looking for to resounding destroy this idea for me and reaffirm it. Regardless of my thoughts what’s your take on the Old and New Testament and the issue of relevance?

2005-09-16T09:15:00.000Z

Guess how much these treats cost at Bodrum airport, Turkey?

The Oakes is Onboard

2005-09-16T08:09:00.000Z

Well here it is, my first attempt at blogging. I antcipate this will ensure I waste endless time reading and writing not very interesting thoughts and I'll probably demolish the facade that I'm some kind of genius! I look forward to the banter and thanks for having me. For now I'll leave you this this thought for today:

"When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet."